Konichiwa Bitches!

  It has been a long time coming, but finally, FINALLY, I had the fortune of luckily being able to watch another exemplary sleeper hit flick and had the time to write a hopefully good enough review on it. And surprise, surprise, Ryan Reynolds once again has me throwing my hat off with his impressively soulful choice of movies.

  Frank Allen stops the doubtful groom of his daughter from leaving her on the day of their wedding. Through his experiences, Frank retells to the groom of how he was once in doubt in a relationship and dealt with the dazzling extremities of his own life, his own Chaos Theory.

   First off, hands down to Ryan Reynolds on a job well done. I should never judge a movie by its title. Kick Ass already proved me wrong, and this one has seconds. From the first few minutes of the movie, his seemingly calm, sarcastic humor just had me hooked on watching the movie, which is my Achilles’ heel when trying NOT to get attached to a character. Nonetheless his transition from an old to a young Frank Allen, and vice versa was surprisingly believable. He brought depth on both comedy and drama of the film.

   The next thing that convinced me to not change the channel was the music. My God, I have never heard and seen anything like the scenes this movie has allowed me to experienced before. There were silent scenes with only the background soundtracks on that fit perfectly with the underlying theme of the whole movie, and they were mostly written by one man, Alex Dezen of the Damnwells. Beautiful lyrics, with an amazing band to back up. Kudos. And hopefully this band will someday be as successful as most undeserving pop artists are right now.

   And finally, the writing. There has always been a quite silent rule in modern writing, don’t start writing anything that’s related to love. Why? Because, thousands probably millions have already done so, and most probably have been able to do so better than any amateur writer. To be able to reach the level that their works have reached, it would need to take a masterpiece’s effort and years of experience. And this movie has certainly done that. Due to spoiler reasons, I can’t say the lines that convinced me so. But hopefully, you might get to appreciate the relevance of the movie’s title even so as much as I did.

   Ryan, the enlightening music, and insightful writing, were just some of the reasons on why I wanted to watch the movie. Truth be told, I was just bored/stressed out of my mind and was seeking for any immediate comfort. And the serendipitous divine being provided me with this once in a lifetime tale about a man. A man just like any other, trying to find his way in a world where any thing is random, and yet everything has a pattern. And all it takes is just one lifetime to experience it all. JUST one.

   So, whether or not people might label this as a date flick, it really has transcended beyond that, and I invite you to know why. Who knows? you might just learn a little more about ourselves for a little while. XD

P.S. Here’s a song from the movie that I really liked. Hope you guys love it as much as I do. ^__^

The Damnwells– Graceless

Konichiwa Bitches,

   Never, ever, ever, EVER judge a movie by its title. This may be the best lesson I’ve learned after watching a 720-p Crystal Crisp HD definition copy of Hot Tub Time Machine, and never in a time in my life have I enjoyed learning a lesson like the way HTTM just did. When nostalgia meets comedy, I never thought that anything like this could be ever made possible.

   4 friends decide to take a weekend trip to their old teenage winterfest hotel only to discover after a hot tub party that they’ve been sent back in time 20 years ago and in their young teenage selves.

  The first thing that really piqued my interest for the film was the strange star studded casting. John Cusack (1408,2012, Serendipity), Clark Duke( Kick Ass, Superbad, Sexdrive), Craig Robinson (The Office, Night at the Museum 2, Zack and Mirri make a porno), and Rob Coddry (Harold and Kumar 2, Semi- Pro, The Heartberak Kid) all B-list actors from different corners of the comedy world pitched in for this movie. Each and everyone brought a piece of the pie with their own style and sometimes even their own jokes for the movie, though on a side note younger audiences won’t be able to get most of them.

   Which brings me to my next best thing for the movie, the humor. The movie is just oozing crap loads of it from the start up to the ending, which is by the way one of the most insane and inane endings I’ve ever seen. The lines are crisp and usually direct to the point like:

Lou: [On his knees and staring at Nick’s weiner and is being forced to suck it] Oh, wow, good for you.
Nick: [Eyes closed, crying] I know, right?
Lou: It’s like Gary Coleman’s fucking forearm. It’s so black, so impossibly black. Oh God, I love you buddy.
Nick: Don’t say that!
Lou: I’m sorry, I do!

   just keep cracking me up. I especially liked John Cusack’s soothing voice ironically matched with the lines his character said. And the title and plot is just too insane for it to be taken seriously, and they seem to revel in it, which makes it a lot more fun. XD

   And finally, what surprised me most about this movie is how much similar it is to the teenage flick of the nineties. It all starts with a problem in a party, and ends up having to realize many things in climax, and has this just insane ending to it. People my age, will definitely know what I’m talking about.

  The cast, humor and style of HTTM are more than enough reasons for anyone of you readers to really see this movie. I mean really, what good are movies with good graphics without good humor? XD

Konichiwa Bitches!

     Finally after months of drought of actual good movies to write about, I just happen to stumble upon (thanx claire!) one of the best Disney films I’ve ever seen in my entire life (in a movie house). Jerry Bruckheimer does it again with the film adaptation of one of the most popular songs in the Walt Disney arsenal.

   The movie is all about Master Balthazar Blake who recruits an average guy in New York, to do a not-so-average job of defending the city against his arch-nemesis, Maxim Horvath.

  This movie has the making of a good family fantasy movie. The plot is easy to follow, well designed characters, cool graphics, and a universal humour that everyone just can’t seem to resist.

   But the graphics are also one of the best in the industry. The magic spells rival even the graphics of the acclaimed Harry Potter movies, without the annoying incantations for the spell about to be used.

   Nicholas Cage’s veteran acting also proved to be a great asset to the movie. His action star image really suited him well in this movie. Jay Baruchel’s extra-ordinary comedic timing also helped balanced the flavor of action packed films and added that tiny ice breaker in the serious moments in the movie. Both actors complemented each other’s personality.

   All in all, this film is a feature family presentation that you shouldn’t miss if you are a fan of the fantasy genre. This movie is one of the most interesting action fantasy films. I’m giving it a 12 out of 10 dragon rings.

Konichiwa Bitches!

   Another indie adaptation of a novel comes of age, as Micheal Cera stars in his childhood favourite teen romance book that is “Youth in Revolt”.

   Nick Twisp (Micheal Cera), was just your stereotypical average teenage boy who fortunately spends his vacation on a trashy religious trailer park where he meets the first love of his life, Sheeni Saunders (Portia Doubleday). But just when his summer fling had finally flown out of the hinges of his imaginations and in to his mundane modest life, he is suddenly forced to return home and decides to get kicked out of his mom’s house by creating a split persona which he calls Francois.and find a way to be finally together with Sheeni.

   The bad things first; this will be a very boring film for those of you who are used to watching teen flicks. But that is to be expected with Micheal’s very natural character, and the other characters in his life. There were also a lot of “holes” on the plot of the movie, but the main theme was held together especially at the final scene of the movie.

   Another semi-bad thing about the movie is the vocabulary. I can’t really say this is a bad thing, as it adds to the sophistication and the richness in the English language that is rarely ever seen nowadays in movies. But nonetheless, the dialogues are in strict English, with the occasional bursts of profanity. I don’t think a lot of the people in the generation today might even want to listen to it.

   Now on to the good parts, which was a surprise to me, the plot. I really didn’t expect the plot to be so fresh in the storytelling of another stereotypical teenage boy, which is really a thumbs up to the original work of the novel. For the first time ever in a teen flick, I actually felt the anxiety and stress of all the problems Nick had been forced to deal with for the sake of love.

  Another gem of the movie was Portia Doubleday, although she had gained some unecessary pounds in the film, her acting was surprisingly graceful and mature despite her character’s age and isolation from the rest of the world, not to mention her natural look that was just so hard to turn my eyes away from. She definitely had some chemistry with Cera on the film with the portrayal of Sheeni, and was very down to earth with the character when she played the role of the imperfect damsel in distress. I hope to see her again the upcoming box office hits of the years to follow.

   Humor is certainly one factor that made this movie work for me. Dialogues like

Francois: I want to wrap your legs around my head and wear them that the crown that you are. If you want me to.

was wittingly written and subtly executed that definitely made quite an impression while at the same time made me laugh at the awkward moment of when it was said. Micheal’s hardcore bad-boy acting with the part of Francois was another big surprise, it definitely made my week as of the moment. XD

   And finally  the indie music. There were so many songs in the movie that I tried so hard to remember the tune, but was unfortunately forgotten due to my attachment with the character’s current dilemna. XD But almost all the BGM’s really set the mood for the scenes. I hope to remember someday to find a soundtrack album for the movie.

   So despite the boring elitist dialogue, and missing plot parts, “Youth in Revolt” turned out to be a movie I will certainly remember as a great of the teen flick genre. Sad I couldn’t get to read the book, but the silver-screen adaptation with its casting and amazing taste for indie music, was more than enough for me to appreciate the amazing and might-be-true-to-life-story of Nick Twisp (cool name BTW, nothing less of what I’d expect from a good novel). I’m giving Youth in Revolt 10 out of 10 schizophrenic teenagers.

Konichiwa Bitches!

      Finally the mourning is over and the Philippines is finally doomed as the final ballots are being counted in…I am back with another amazing underground movie. This is probably the first movie that I haven’t regret watching in cam quality, and that goes A LOT in terms of quality writing, casting and overall content for a film.

   I really don’t believe that this needs a synopsis, but for the sake of formality, SOOML is the story of a below-than-average guy who meets the above-than-perfect girl, but their relationship is constantly broken down with his lack of self-confidence and bad influence from the people all around them.

   SOOML was brought to us by the same guys who wrote the movie Sex Drive, and is a typical “underdog-gets-girl” cliché of a movie, but the writers did so much of an incredible job with the humor, that it finally made me miss this type of Rom-Com(Romantic Comedy) flicks. Lines such as:

Guy: You shouldn’t be using your cellphone. It’s bad for the plane.
Patty: Excuse me. Are you a plane doctor? No. So shut the hell up

….just can’t help it but catch me off guard every time I try NOT to laugh. Not only are the lines of this caliber, but all the actors showed off their comedic timing with such subtleness, though insane and inane at times, and grace whenever the scene calls for it. Which brings me to the next interesting part of the film. Casting.

   You might NOT remember the lead actor from movies such as Tropical Thunder, Fanboys and Knocked Up, and had really brought unadulterated laughter to us from each of the film, but at the beginning of the movie, I really thought that Jay Baruchel had just too weak of an exterior to be the lead in this movie, even for an underdog movie. But was I ever proven wrong. His almost monotone voice and sharp comedic timing will certainly be a crowd pleaser for those who are planning to watch the movie, which should make him a definite lead in Rom-Com flicks to come.

   And on the opposite end of the lead, we have Alice Eve, whom I’ve never seen or heard before nor was she really that attractive at first, but with that look and personality that doesn’t have a hint of ego within her, and an incredible bod, not to mention “natural” blessings (if you know what I mean), she gradually stole my heart as she traversed the quirky world that is Kirk’s life. Not only that but her right eye is green and her left eye is blue!!! HOW F’ING COOL IS THAT!? I hope people will get to see more of this enchanting actress in movies to come, which I’m sure most of you will at Sex and the City 2. She’s a definite 10 in my book.

   And last but not the least, I love the message this movie is trying to convey WITHIN the humor. One of the most un-sexist films I’ve ever seen, I appreciate the fact that the girl is finally chasing the guy. Or that being funny alone is a good enough reason for a girl to like you. Or that a good friend will always do anything for you no matter what, without hesitation, even if it means styling your private parts. And that no matter what, as long as you tell the girl the truth ASAP, she’ll always forgive you no matter how embarrassing the truth is. ^_^ (Sorry if there were some spoilers)

    There were no big names in this film, nor does it have anything new to get the world it’s attention, but SOOML, is a definite 10 for me. It has been an incredible experience for me not to judge actors on how they look, but on how hard they make me laugh, for a very long time and this movie is now a definite classic for me. So if you like Rom-Com, be sure to watch this flick once in your lifetime, just watch out for the adult language! I’m giving SOOML 15 out of 10 pre-mature ejacks…XD

Konichiwa Bitches!

   Finally a movie worth the time to review, I would like to thank Peter D. for mentioning the aforementioned subtle fun that is Post Grad. Another heroine movie,this Rom-Com had me by the balls the minute the screen started rolling. Especially because this is my first ever Blu-Crystal-Crisp-Ray Quality version of a “legally downloaded backup” for a movie. But don’t get me wrong, there is more than just what meets the eye with this one.

  Ryden Malby (Alexis Bledel), is a newly college graduate hoping to land big at her dream job to work as a publisher in a major publishing company in L.A. But at the day of the interview, the “perfect” plan didn’t seem to be that perfect after all, as she and her bestfriend (Zach Gilford) get into a car accident, her rival getting her dream job, and she loses her apartment loft all at the same time. As she retreats to her parent’s house, little by little Ryden figures out that the perfect plan had been right there all along.

   First, the turn-offs. This really just hit me the first time I saw it, Alexis and Zack really didn’t have that much of  a chemistry, not until the last scene however. There was something unnatural between the two and I think it’s because of turn-off number two, Zack’s acting.

There was just little or no emotion in his chiseled face or in his supposedly witty lines whatsoever at the beginning of the movie. It was hard for me to get into the fact that he was supposed to be the hopelessly inlove bestfriend. But he did improve, however, as the movie progressed, I just wished he could’ve done it sooner in the movie.And finally, there was just too little of Alexis in the movie. The film focused mainly on Ryden’s family, although they were surprisingly interesting, I was lost in the story on where and how everything fit the plot. But not even these could have drowned me out of watching it.

   Why? Well, isn’t it obvious? ALEXIS BLEDEL. For the love of eye-candies, this girl was born to be one. The moment I saw her, it was really just common-sense why my friend could say that she was his ultimate crush. That face, that body, that quiet personality, are all the markings of a good-girl type. Which would make sense that her looks  are perfect for the movie. But on top of that, she has that comedic timing that only special actresses, like Reese Weatherspoon, would have. Although, there is still room for improvement with that, I’m actually excited to see her next starring role on the silver-screen. And finally, and definitely not the least, THOSE DEEP CRYSTAL CERULEAN BLUE SEA EYES that just drowns my stare away are a rare find in the business. I still can’t get over them, nor do I expect that I ever will. She is now definitely one of my favourite actresses of all-time.

   The music fit every scene like leaves on a tree. The humour was surprisingly mature and witty. I had heard that this movie was originally written for Amanda Bynes, which I’m not really a fan of because of her often slapstick jokes and goofy looks, but Alexis did a pretty solid job of taking over the part. Her timing only made the movie that much more fun to watch, besides her eyes….sigh….ehem..And without having to resort to goofy looks.

   And finally, the character of Ryden is what got me sticking through the whole 90 minutes. It’s rare to find good-girl types like her nowadays who’d rather choke up their pride rather than living with their mistakes. I could’ve never imagined Amanda Bynes pulling this off, so thank God for whatever happened between her and the movie. Alexis should’ve really been the star.

  And that’s it, sorry for the long post, there was just so much that needed to be said, and I had little time to think about every word that I could type. This was all on one-go. So I’ll just make it short and say that if ever you’re one of those many post-grads who have already planned out the rest of their lives, or even if you don’t have yet, be sure to see this flick. It might give you a hint of a better life. I’m giving Post Grad an 9 out 10 box car racers.

Konichiwa Bitches!

   All throughout my years of celebrating the wonder that is of experiencing the glory of watching a good film, many a time there has been that countless films have gone by unnoticed. Nim’s Island was one of them. I remembered seeing a trailer and just suddenly forgot to watch it all of a sudden. Luckily, Star Movies (too bad there were commercials) had timed it to start at the exact time I turned on the TV. It wasn’t like love at first sight, but it was better in the long run as I found myself enthralled by the journey of Nim and her island.

  Nim(Abigail Breslin) is the daughter of an introvert scientist Jack Rusoe(Gerard Butler) who decides to raise his child on a remote island somewhere in the Fiji Island, and made sure that they would stay remote in their own “piece of the world”. One fateful day , however, and Jack went on an expedition trip to find his elusive planktons but could not return on time because of a sudden monsoon that almost risks his boat and his project. All the while, Nim calls for help from her paperback hero, Alex Rover, which is actually a misnomer for Alexandra Rover(Jodie Foster),  the author of the books and is the exact opposite of Nim’s idol, all the while trying to fend off the island’s invaders, and waiting for her father’s safe return.

   Nim’s Island is also a silver screen adaptation of Wendy Orr’s book of the same name, this movie has been nominated for Teen Choice Award and VES award.

  The first thing anyone will instantly notice about the movie is its calm and enticing photography. Cloudless sky above cerulean blue oceans brimming with life and lots and lots of animals. It is a certain eye-candy especially right now in summer when everyone is just dying to go to the beach. The CGI effects were surprisingly entertaining as well, I couldn’t help but be amazed at the unrealistic yet precise job they did at the details of some of the scenes, like in the lizards or in the waves. If you’re looking for a movie to relax with, this is a good pick.

  Next comes with the plot. It has been an extremely long time since I’ve scene a heroine in the film. And the movie did ok in the twists, irony, and everything else that comes with a good script. The story also has a subtle yet obvious connection with nature, as certain events are triggered and manifested through its many forces. The typhoons, the sharks, even just the wind all played a role in the unveiling of the ending.

  Another thing that can tell me that a movie will have a good script before even watching it is the integrity of casting. Jodie Foster and Gerard Butler are just some of the many actors out there who are in movies not just for the fame or money, but for the actual love for the art of film. And you can’t have a film without a script, and these actors are really picky when it comes to scripts. Abigail Breslin, you might remember her from Zombieland, was just at her best as the independent heroine of the film. And I was just laughing hysterically at Gerard’s portrayal of Alex, the figment of Alexandra’s imagination. He can most assurely pull-off the witty hero look. XD

   And the always good thing about watching these kinds of children books films is the deep moral content that the writers, directors and actors infuse within the film. Nothing warms the heart more than re-learning the life lessons in the most unexpected ways, like watching a movie. Idealists and realists alike will surely have something to be inspired about in watching this flick.

   The sandy beaches, heart-wrenching twists of the plot and the acting were more than enough reasons for me to not change the channel, so should it be if ever you are searching for a feel-good flick to watch this summer. Nim’s Island will not only drag you out of your comfort zones in the best way possible, but it might just show you the purpose for taking that big leap of faith once again. I’m giving Nim’s Island 9 out of 10 Australian Sea-Lions (the ending wasn’t all that good for me )

   Konichiwa Bitches!

   The holy week has just started (yey….) and am I glad to have had the opportunity and pleasure of being able to watch a strangely quirky yet entertaining movie such as Fantastic Mr. Fox.

    This movie was not a definite first choice for a flick to start off my summer vacation, but my instincts just wouldn’t let me sleep until I would be able to set my eyes on a “legally downloaded back-up” HD crystal-crisp quality copy of it, especially because this movie has had 2 oscar nominations, and 13 awards which include the Golden Globe and Saturn Award and 18 other nominations under its belt!. And by God, was this film deserving of such praise.

  Fantastic Mr. Fox is a silver screenplay,with the same title, of Roald Dahl, the same writer who brought us Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, and brought to life by director Wes Anderson, whom I’ve never seen any of his other movies but am hoping to see now.

   Mr. Fox is well…..a fox who retires from his life of stealing fowls from farmers after he learns that his mate, obviously named Ms. Fox, is pregnant but returns to his center stage a few years later. The actions of which anger 3 farmers, who risk everything to try and kill Mr. Fox, and probably hang him on the wall after stuffing him and his tail. Fox then tries to save the woodland community from the damaged being inflicted by the pyschopathic trio of farmers hellbent on revenge…

   The only bad thing that I can say about this flick is its animation. Unimpressive is an understatement. It’s been years since I last saw stop animation being used, and there’s a good reason for that, Pixar.

   But it seems the lacking quality of this movie is probably also what makes this movie so special. Most of you who will have the chance to see this might change the channel immediately or watch another “legally downloaded back-up” film. It’s obvious that the characters were all just in clay and in paper, yet somehow, I still felt drawn in, which would bring me to its first strength, the writing.

   Wes Anderson did an exemplary job of writing the screenplay for the movie. His adult yet clean humor tickled my funny bone yet managed to tickle my brain cells at the same time. One good example was that all the cursing was replaced with the word “cuss”. An excerpt from the movie:

Badger: The cuss you are.
Mr. Fox: The cuss am I? Are you cussing with me?
Badger: No, you cussing with me?
Mr. Fox: Don’t cussing point at me!

  Not only does it make it more child-friendly, it’s awkardness and simple sophistication caught me off-guard. But don’t let it fool you, the movie has some of its dark moments, as one of the characters died. Its maturity is preceded only by its comedy. Not many people might be able to get the humour, but the plot is still a gem in an industry where a good script is such a fleeting luxury.

   Next in line, is the casting. George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Willem Dafoe, Owen Wilson, Jesus Motherf’ing Christ need I say more!? Clooney’s bad boy thief tone was just what was needed to pull-off the fox act, which reminded me of the Ocean movies. And Meryl Streep’s deep husky feminine timbre just had me on-guard and try not to be attracted to Mrs. Fox.

   And finally, the universality of the film. This is one of the very few films that I am safe to say is unoffending to the very core yet still teaches a moral theme that can only be seen and learned from those who pay attention to the story. Such has always been the ways of fables, everyone can relate. And I am extremely grateful to have watched this now, especially in my age. ^_^

   So, even after the dull-colored, poorly animated, physically-ugly drawn-out characters of the movie had disgusted me at first, the writing, the cast, and the theme of the movie pulled out Mr. Fantastic Fox out of my stereotype and into my definite favorites of all-time. I can even say that due to its lack-lustered film-making, I was able to better attach myself to the highs and lows of the protagonist and making myself more aware of the hidden lessons of the story. This movie is a must-see for humans of all kind! XD

I give it 11 out of 10 Rabid Beagles.

   Back from the backlash that is burnout, here I am with a new sci-fi/action movie that is certainly worth the time and effort to watch. This flick is an all-around box office delight, that is surely appealing to the Philippine audience but also is an outstanding piece of silver screen story-telling coupled with star-studded casting.    Yes, I know what you may all be thinking. The man you see right above you is the 55 year-old award-winning actor Denzel Washington…………….in an action flick. Do not….I repeat do not judge a movie by its poster. This veteran will get you off-guard if you’re not careful.

   The story takes place in a post-apocalyptic world set somewhere 30 years after a great war destroys almost all life in USA. Eli (Denzel Washington), is travelling west to find a suitable place for a book that holds the key to mankind’s suppossed salvation. I’m not going to sugarcoat anybody else anymore. But the book is really a King James copy of the Holy Bible. So to any thought that this might be anything else time to flush it down the toilet.

   First, the bad points about the movie. The first thing I couldn’t really try not to notice was the slow and boring start of the movie. It will drag you down I assure you, not to mention I was watching an R5 class “legally downloaded backup” of the movie. If it wasn’t’ for my mental conditioning, the movie would’ve already been an epic fail in my opinion. Next, is the religious bias of this movie. I really hate it when religion is involved in a movie, because chances are, a large part of the audience won’t be able to appreciate the universal messages in the movie, which was ironically one part of the reasons why the war in the movie started. And the last turn-off of the movie is the also dull-ending, which should have been considered for editing or just taken off entirely from the film. But that’s just about it.

   Now on to the goodies. Whenever Denzel Washington is involved with a movie, one thing is for sure, great acting. I was surprised as to how much I really bought his “action star” look in the beginning of the movie, while at the same time, was able to maintain the gravity of his character in the sensitive scenes in the movie. Gary Oldman, a favorite villain of mine, is also a sure fit for the corrupted bibliophile in the movie who tries to take away the bible from Eli to be able to expand his territories.

   As far as any action flick goes, this movie had too little, but whenever there was action, it was certainly demanding respect. The cinematography is brilliant, as the 360 degrees shots are fed out of the screen depicting the lavishly spread-out calculated violence that Denzel has pulled off. The close-range fights were just as precise as any kung-fu flick, and the gun fights were as exagerrated and as fun as bungee jumping while high on crack. I just couldn’t get enough of it!

   But what amazed me throughout the film is of its ability to repeat the theme of the story many times and impress it upon me. It didn’t take long for me to appreciate the many things in life I take for granted, shampoo, water, companionship, etc. Books are a definite recurring item that should never be taken for granted. The movie is showing a possible future if people of today do not learn to adapt away from the failing Capitalist consumer-based market, and start to efficiently utilize the available resources that we still have. And I can’t help that the movie is trying to the many people who still have the balls to call yourselves Christians, to stop taking the good book for granted. If most of you people spent at least half the time that Eli did reading the Bible on the movie, maybe you guys wouldn’t be so f*ed up in your lives right now. Just saying. ^_^

   So there you have it. The movie starts slow, may not be applicable for numerous individuals who are interested in seeing the movie, and will also end slow. But the uncanny acting performance, jaw-dropping action scenes, and the enlightened, subtle yet striking tone of the film makes “The Book of Eli” a must watch for Christians alike. I’m giving this movie a 9 out of 10 machetes. ^_^

   Elections are up! The most shameless scoundrels this country has ever seen have gathered all of their mindless minions and ill-gotten resources for one final battle this coming May. Mind-numbing jingles and popular actors and actresses are only few of the many “tricks up their sleeves”. They will leave no stone unturned as covert “officers of the law” are happily “enforcing” the will of the People’s Persecutors. One by one public projects have finally sprung out of nowhere and fewer beggars are getting fed. Yes my friends, these are truly “bittersweet’” times. And let me introduce the prospects of whom will become the top contender for the coveted title of “President of the Republic of the Philippines” and why they shouldn’t deserve the title.

   Benigno Simeon "Noynoy" Cojuangco Aquino, III – this man really needs an introduction, as most people I know really didn’t know that Kris wasn’t the only child of the late Cory Aquino. Hell, I didn’t even know that he was a goddamn senator already for 3 years until now. XD He graduated at ADMU, with a degree in BA Economics in 1981. Blah blah blah…few political endeavors…no major political achievments when elected, until he was finally elected senate in 2007.

   So to make my point, what has he really done for the country as a senator, much less even as the positions that he recieved before then? And are they good enough for you to be able say that he earned your vote, instead of being a sensationalist dumbass and succumb to the “Mind Drain of the People”. But he gave good answers on what he would “allegedly” do if he were ever elected presidents on the debates. I guess that would be a plus.

   But what really made me turn him down is that he is content on living on the shadow of his parent’s glory. He only announced that he would run for president a few days after his mother’s funeral??? He’s using his mother’s death as a campaign weapon, tarnishing forever in my memory the legacy of the Aquinos. And shame to those who supported him in doing so.

  So long story short, he’s too mysterious to be voted as president, he’s not even propagating in his campaign on what good he did as a Senator. And this guy really isn’t man enough to be called president if he thrives on his dead parent’s legacy. And if you are a Filipino, there’s an 80 percent chance you’ll just ignore my previous arguments and still vote for this guy. It’s ok, I understand how ‘emotional’ you guys are.

   Joseph “Erap” Ejercito Estrada – for those of you who are lucky enough to not know who this guy is, research about Philippine History… and look for him in the long line of Presidents…and how he ended his term…I rest my case.

   Manuel “Manny” Villar –  the guy who was coined as “tunay na mahirap”. Now this guy’s childhood to adult years are something to respect. 2nd of nine children to be born in most probably the worst city in the Philippines at that time, Tondo, Manila. He finished high school at Mapua Institute of Technology, then proceeded to UP Diliman and earned a degree in Business admin. then earned a master’s for that same course. Then went off to start a business that eventually became a house-building empire that made Forbes magazine coin him to be the 9th richest person in the Philippines of 2009. Which is why I really can’t trust him to be an uncorrupt President.

   He knows how to get the money, which would make him a good economist, but on what he would do with the money, is another question. This senator is also well known for the C-5 land-grabbing scandal, wherein he used his Senate seat to gain favor on acquiring good real estate on land. There was more to this scandal than just land, and that makes it even unforgivable to still see him stand as a Senator of the Philippines, but if that’s what the People wanted…sigh…

  Bro. Eddie Villanueva -  A protestant leader as president, now that is just unacceptable, don’t include God in the affairs of the people, he’s/she’s too honorable for that kind of crap. Church and State SHOULD never be one, look what at what the Catholic Church did in the dark ages. Leave his self-made Church as its leader, or leave the presidency alone.  I rest my case.

  Gibo Teodoro – “Galing at Talino” – his intellect might even rival that of the late dictator Marcos. He graduated high school at Xavier, an elitist private school in the Philippines, and later on graduated with a degree in Commerce in De La Salle University and completed his Law studies at the University of the Philippines and was awarded the Dean’s Medal for Academic Excellence, not to mention topping the Philippine Bar exams. As if that weren’t enough, he graduated in Harvard with a Masters in Law in 1997, and admitted to the State Bar of New York in the same year. (Goddamn!)

   He was also the youngest person to ever become the Secretary of the Department of National Defense, at the age of 43.

   Which is weird, on why he would even think of coming back to a god-forsaken country such as this. Is he really the qualified patriot everyone has been looking for? or is he just like the others who have somehow figured an easy way for some extra cash along with the positions of power in government.

   Gibo is quite known for helping victims of the Ondoy incident, which shouldn’t have been a catastrophe if the Urban Planners weren’t as to have cheated the people of their money and built proper water drainage systems, but that’s another story. Incredibly, even though he was a leader of the National Security of the country, he was somehow able to help the victims of the flood. But what most people don’t know, was that he only sent 2 rubber boats to urban flooded areas for rescue missions….really…2 boats….

   Ever heard of the Ampatuan massacres (Yes, there was more than one, only one was given media attention)? How was it that they were able to amass an incredible armada of artillery and weapons under his watch as Secretary of National Defense? 0_0

   And he also has a wife who earlier supported the RH bill..but later on retracted and he later followed suit….is he not the same as the late dictator that was also dictated by a corrupt spouse(Marcos)? What’s worse is that it seems that he has no solid moral standings, no wonder he is in 2nd place with Noynoy, whose backbone is just as weak if not weaker.

   There are 4 other presidentiables that I haven’t mentioned and are most probably not worth mentioning at all, which is good, saves me the time of having to find dirty things about already dirty people.

   So if one were to ask me whom I would vote (not even being able to vote for no one), I would choose, JC de los Reyes, because he’s someone I don’t know anything bad about “yet” and women just shouldn’t be president for now, based on the current president that we have right now. It seems that there are no women with good enough morals to lead a country these days. No offense to women. The last woman who proved me wrong died and had her spineless son run for president under her achievments.

   F Yeah! Good warm-up never fails to stir the soul! ^_^ Hope you had as much fun reading it as much as I had writing it!

Konichiwa Bitches!